Flirt Glossary – Coming Out
The term coming out describes the process of finding one's identity as a gay man or as a lesbian woman. The person affected becomes aware of their own same-sex feelings or their feelings that deviate from the gender role and accepts them.
The process of finding an identity often goes through several characteristic phases. These range from insecurity (perception of being different) and self-rejection to conscious identification with gay or lesbian identity.
The phases of coming out
Pre-coming out phase
This phase occurs long before coming out. “being different” even as children , but cannot yet classify this. During puberty, the process of searching for identity usually begins with choosing a partner.
Phase of inner coming out
When coming out internally, the person affected experiences the conscious awareness of their own feelings and desires and feels attracted to the opposite sex.
At this point in time, negative images of gays and lesbians are already present in society. Many people therefore often experience their differentness in this phase as threatening and undesirable.
Stigma avoidance
In this phase, those affected try to suppress and/or hide “being different” The fear of being rejected often leads to denying one's own identity.
Self-acceptance
The inner process of self-acceptance begins. The inner wishes and needs, as well as the increasing suffering, assert themselves and require a rethink.
Positive identification models and contacts with other people of the same sex and like-minded people enable those affected to perceive themselves in a new way and to be able to implement their own ideas about their life.
As inner acceptance progresses, feelings of liberation and relief arise. These pave the way to the next phase.
External coming out
The final phase of coming out involves confrontation with the heterosexual environment. Your own sexual orientation is revealed. This often starts with relatives and friends.
Which part of the social environment is informed varies greatly in each individual case. The more positive the previous internal processes have been, the easier it is to engage with society.
The process of coming out is different for everyone and depends on various things in each individual case. The different phases can be passed through quickly. Likewise, phases can persist for decades.
