Flirt properly in online chat – 12 top online dating tips from experts


In an ideal world, your future husband would come into your life completely unexpectedly, like in a romantic comedy film starring J.Lo and Matthew McConaughey.

But unfortunately things don't always turn out the way they do in our dreams. This is real life. Here it can be just as difficult to find a partner in everyday life as it is to find reduced Gucci slingbacks in the sales.

Instead, many people nowadays establish their relationships via dating apps and online flirt chats.

According to a study by Stanford University, these contact options have actually become the most important way to get to know your partner. While this may offer hope, we all know all too well the challenges and frustrations of online dating.

Dating apps and online flirt chats are now the most important method for flirting and getting to know each other
Dating apps and online flirt chats are now the most important method for flirting and getting to know each other.
Image source: Freepik

That's why we'd like to take a closer look at the results, online dating tips and advice from Logan Ury , the director of relationship science at Hinge , and 11 successful flirting women in a conversation with the PureWow editorial team on the topic of online dating.

In it, the relationship expert and the online flirt power women shared 21 helpful tips to do everything right when flirting via chats and apps.

About Logan Ury

Logan Ury is a renowned behavioral scientist who specializes in dating and now works dating coach Her book “How to Not Die Alone” is considered a bestseller in the world of modern dating.

Through her in-depth knowledge of psychology and her wealth of experience, she helps her clients build successful relationships and be permanently happy.

As Director of Relationship Science at Hinge, Logan Ury has invaluable insight into how relationships work and can offer valuable tips on how to have a fulfilling love life .

With her empathetic nature and expertise, she manages to bring people together and help them make the right decisions for their love life. Thanks to Logan Ury's expertise, many singles have already become successful in finding the right partner and building a harmonious relationship.

Her workshops and coaching sessions are extremely popular with those who want to pursue love.

12 top online dating tips from a love expert and women who met their spouses through apps

We have looked intensively at the 21 pieces of advice from the experts and summarized the 12 most important tips for you.

Here we go...

01 Don't post overly edited photos

When it comes to a dating app profile, photos really are more powerful than a thousand words – or even more. They give a potential partner an idea of ​​what you look like and what your personality is.

Therefore, it is important to choose your images carefully . Avoid accessories that could cause confusion. Say no to filters, sunglasses and group photos – at least for the first picture.

Start with a clear portrait photo for the crucial first photo. Include a variety of different types of photos: at least one full body photo, one doing an activity you enjoy, and one with your friends or family.

02 Make it easy for the other person to start a conversation

Your profile on many dating apps such as Tinder , Hinge or singles chats such as LoveScout24 , Bildkontakte or Chatteria offer you the unique opportunity to present yourself in an authentic way.

The online dating portal wants to make it easy for registered singles to chat and flirt with likeable people
The online dating portal wants to make it easy for registered singles to chat and flirt with likeable people

For this reason, it is crucial that you craft your profile carefully and present your personality and life story in an appealing way. This is the only way you can encourage potential partners to get in touch with you.

Think of your profile as your first impression – a message designed to pique interest and initiate conversation.

For example, by adding photos of your hobbies like kayaking or information about your passion for cooking, you create an optimal entry point for someone who wants to learn more about you.

So it's entirely up to you how successful your online profile will be. Take advantage of this opportunity to present yourself and make the most of it!

03 Skip the small talk

It's true that small talk is an easy and convenient way to connect with other people. But in order to really build a deep connection, it is important to also show yourself vulnerable.

Avoid extensive small talk and show yourself authentically
Avoid lengthy small talk and present yourself authentically
Photo by Resume Genius @resumegenius, via Unsplash

This means that you have to be willing to reveal personal information and show your authentic side. Ury recommends talking honestly and openly about yourself and revealing things that can help a potential partner get a better impression of you as a person.

A profile should not only contain superficial information, but should reflect your personality - both the funny and serious side should come to the fore.

By regularly sharing new details about yourself and updating your profile, you have a better chance of getting more matches and likes on a platform or dating app like Tinder.

Ultimately, it's about being authentic and building real relationships offline and online.

04 Know the warning signals (so-called “red flags”)

There are several signs that can indicate whether someone is right for you. Some signals are obvious and easy to recognize, while others are more subtle and therefore may be difficult to identify.

It is important to be attentive and look closely. In this context, the renowned expert Ury particularly emphasizes the importance of how you are treated as a partner.

If someone doesn't really care about you or only sees you as an option instead of a priority, then that should definitely be a red flag for you.

It is also problematic if there are doubts about the other person's interest or if he declares that he is not ready for a serious relationship.

Instead of negative signals, you should specifically look for positive statements .

Good communication is essential here - look for someone who speaks openly with you and has honest intentions. The right partner will make you feel comfortable and your feelings will be respected.

Ultimately, it's about determining who is really suitable for you and which person can bring you joy in the long term. Always remember: you deserve someone by your side who will bring a lot of positivity into your life!

05 Ask questions

While witty jokes and one-liners can get a laugh, real relationships don't come from superficial conversation alone. As psychologist Ury has discovered, deep conversations are the key to good relationships.

, to build a strong connection , it is important to ask questions and be genuinely interested in each other. To go beyond small talk and really get to know someone, ask personal and thoughtful questions.

For example, you might ask, "What activity often causes you to lose track of time?" or " What song touches your heart the most?"

The right questions create profound communication and interpersonal relationships
The right questions create deep conversations and interpersonal connections
. Photo by Yolanda Suen @iyolanda, via Unsplash

Studies repeatedly show that questions like these are the best way to gain insight into a person's personality. Ultimately, it depends on how we communicate with each other - only through genuine interest in each other can we create true connection.

In this way, we create space for deep conversations and thus also for long-lasting and fulfilling interpersonal relationships .

06 Give the relationship time to develop

The portrayal in films may give the impression that a lifelong relationship comes like a bolt from the blue. But the reality is often different and it takes time to develop real feelings.

“It’s important to recognize that deep connections usually build slowly rather than suddenly,” Ury reminds us.

It's worth giving other people a chance, even if the famous spark doesn't fly immediately when you first meet them. According to surveys from Hinge users, it often takes two or three dates to find out if you're really compatible.

The best relationships often develop between people for whom there was no quick attraction at first but which grows stronger over time.

07 Share something personal

Often when we go on dates we stay on the surface. But to build true connection, it's important to also show emotional vulnerability

In fact, 93 percent of Hinge daters prefer to date someone who opens up emotionally. Real connection comes from real vulnerability. This means sharing openly what is happening in your life.

Dive deeper and talk about things like passions or issues that are important to you, experiences that have changed your thinking, or challenges in your life.

Because of your openness, your date will appreciate your honesty and conversations together will be unforgettable.

08 Don't be afraid to be silly

Laughter plays a crucial role in reducing stress . It has been proven to lower cortisol, a hormone associated with stress. As a result, laughter offers us the opportunity to relax and reduce stress levels.

In addition, it causes dopamine to be released in the brain - a neurotransmitter responsible for feelings of happiness. This in turn activates the pleasure centers in the brain and increases our well-being.

Thanks to all of these positive effects, laughter can help build and strengthen relationships - especially in situations like a first date. Laughing together creates a bond between people and at the same time reduces tension.

A stress-free environment can increase the chances of meeting again and leave a positive impression.

Laughing together strengthens emotional connection; dare to be silly
Laughing together strengthens emotional connection;
dare to be silly Photo by Jarritos Mexican Soda @jarritos, via Unsplash

Anyone who laughs together has a better chance of developing a harmonious relationship and brings more joy into their lives - perhaps even on a romantic date!

09 Give your date your full attention

Your goal is to make a positive impression - that's what everyone strives for, right? However, according to Ury, it could actually be more enjoyable if you focus on the other person and not just yourself during your date.

If you're all about your own thoughts and thinking about how you might come across, you'll have less fun and miss important signals from your date.

Instead, focus completely on the other person and be as present as possible. The more attention they can give you, the more relaxed you will be and the better the overall impression will be.

10 Stop analyzing everything

A wise man (er…Mr. Darcy) once said:

A lady's imagination is very quick; she jumps in a moment from admiration to love, from love to marriage.”

Maybe he's right about that. It's actually often the case that we imagine what it would be like to get married on the first date. We want to know if it could work.

But we should set ourselves a simple goal on first dates: getting to know each other .

The first date is not about immediately thinking about marriage. It's more about making a connection and spending time together to find out if you want to see each other again.

If we just sit there during a date and try to size up the other person or think about our own reaction, we aren't allowing a real connection to form.

Let the moment come to you and enjoy the time together - only when you really know someone can you make decisions for the future.

And: Don't treat the date like a job interview!

11 Put your phone and apps aside while you're on a date with someone

To give a date, be it a first or a subsequent one, the opportunity to develop and grow into something real and meaningful, it is essential to turn off notifications on dating apps.

This is the only way to ensure that you don't get distracted when you're with your date. It's simply impossible to be fully present and connect while being disturbed by other messages.

If we decide to spend time together and potentially develop feelings for each other, then we must be willing to use that time wisely.

We should concentrate on what the other person is saying, listen actively, and talk about our own experiences. All of this can only be achieved if we devote our full attention to the current moment.

Turning off notifications may seem banal at first. But in fact it is not a given in our modern world, but it does show respect for our interlocutor.

In a world full of distractions, dating makes it possible to form deep bonds that go far beyond the digital space.

William Shakespeare once aptly said:

Love does not see with its eyes, but with its heart.”

12 Choose the “normal” photo type that fits his biography

It's crucial to recognize a person's authentic personality rather than superficially focusing on their appearance.

Choose the “normal” photo type that fits his biography
Choose the “normal” photo type that fits his bio
Photo by Sander Sammy @sammywilliams, via Unsplash

The pictures of the current husband of a successful Hinge partner were simple and honest, in contrast to many overly staged shots.

Instead of posing models, he presented normal photos with his dogs, which is a sign of trust, as well as a simple selfie in the kitchen.

His biography was also unexciting; He doesn't exercise excessively or go on adventurous hikes every weekend. He eats pizza and drinks whiskey – that convinced the woman! She doesn't regret her decision as she is now happily married to this man.

Joachim D.
Online editor, copywriter and publicist in the field of online dating since 2012. Passionate blogger for over 10 years with diverse interests and many years of expertise in the market for dating sites, dating apps, dating agencies and flirt chats through hundreds of product tests, expert interviews and intensive research over more than a decade .

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