What to do if there is a crisis at the beginning of the relationship?

After the infatuation phase, in which you butterflies in your stomach and wear so-called rose-colored glasses, disillusionment often follows.

Our partner no longer seems perfect to us and we wonder how we could have overlooked each other's flaws and quirks. Arguments break out and everyday life as a couple is put to the test.

Understandably, there is a lot of uncertainty if there is a crisis right at the beginning of the relationship. One wonders how the relationship will survive in the future without a stable foundation. But this is exactly the moment when you shouldn't give up.

Decisive phase for the stability of the partnership

The phase after the feeling of being in love has subsided determines the later stability of the relationship. It is normal for arguments to arise when the differences between the two relationship partners become more and more apparent.

It is now important to communicate honestly and openly with one another and to provide constructive criticism without hurting the other person. Regular relationship discussions and joint consideration of compromises for conflict situations are the be-all and end-all of a healthy and stable couple relationship.

Learning to accept your partner, including their flaws and quirks, and becoming aware of the true qualities of the relationship is the goal that we should strive for.

Floating on cloud nine is over and it will never feel like being in love at the beginning, but if the phase of coming to terms with oneself as a couple is successfully mastered, the relationship will be characterized by deep love and stability.

What makes good communication?

Good communication is therefore important for the stability of the relationship. But how do I give constructive criticism and have meaningful relationship discussions? In addition to the honesty and openness already mentioned, it is important to avoid generalizations and formulate “I” messages.

For example, the statement “You never let me finish!” generalizing and also not formulated as an I-message. It would be better to address the conflict situation specifically and tell your partner what feelings and thoughts it triggers in you personally: “It hurts and annoys me that I cannot express my opinion on the topic being discussed.”

Furthermore, care should be taken not to formulate wishes as accusations and to be aware that fulfilling a wish is by no means an obligation. An example of an accusation would be: “You never bring me flowers!”, which could be expressed as a wish: “I would be very happy if you brought me flowers . ”

Good communication includes not only talking to each other respectfully and empathetically, but also active listening . Active listening means listening to what is being said with impartiality and compassion. If something is not understood, the listener asks what it is meant and also pays conscious attention to the speaker's facial expressions and gestures.

Personal couples counseling as conflict resolution

Psychological counseling and couples counseling are possible no matter at what point in the relationship. This step is usually only considered when the problems have already manifested themselves and the resulting conflicts are difficult to resolve.

So it is not only possible, but also sensible to go to a couples counseling center or seek psychological help in the early years.

If the couple feels overwhelmed trying to resolve the conflicts themselves or needs guidance from a third person, psychological couples counseling is definitely worth considering.

Especially due to additional external pressures such as the current Corona crisis, overcoming the relationship crisis alone seems almost impossible.

Tip: The Franziska Müller Institute for Counseling & Health in Kreuzlingen (Switzerland) also offers psychological couples counseling online via Skype if the distance is too far or on-site counseling is not possible for other reasons.