You are a self-confident young man who is open and communicative and is in the middle of life. And yet you too know this feeling of insecurity, nervousness and fear when you want to approach a woman.
Many men feel the same way as you, because this phenomenon is very common. Fear, inner panic, sweaty palms and sudden shortness of breath paralyze you and prevent you from approaching the woman of your dreams or even uttering a meaningful sentence.
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This “response anxiety” is completely normal and we have all experienced it at least once. It is probably deeply rooted and has a long history in our society. The good news at this point is that she can almost always be defeated.
According to a study, many women still think that approaching is a man's job. This is probably because women have exactly the same fear of approaching men. Or they want to be wooed and explore their own worth to the opposite sex.
Reasons why a man doesn't approach a woman
Fear of damaging reputation
For many men, it is easier to approach a woman when they are alone. If friends or acquaintances are there, the fear of being rejected is much greater, as there is a risk that it will be talked about negatively in the social environment and that one's own masculinity will be questioned.
Fear of appearing intrusive
If a man speaks to a woman, success often depends on the method of contact. Finding the right words requires practice and tact. In order not to make any mistakes or give the wrong impression, many men prefer to hold back.
Fear to fail
If the approach to a woman doesn't work and the man is rejected, this is a strong emotional burden for many people. Although no one else may know it, the man's psyche has to cope with this rejection.
You question yourself and are unsettled. And so he may be afraid to try again in order not to be disappointed again or, in his eyes, to “fail” .
Where does the fear of response come from?
The prevailing view is that approach anxiety is a deeply rooted protective mechanism within us, dating back to our early ancestors.
In the past, speaking to strangers was life-threatening. The individual tribes lived on their own and it was taboo to approach people from other tribes. A woman who was already “taken” was not allowed to be approached.
If you have done so, you have exposed yourself and your tribe/family to great danger. This mechanism is probably still dormant within us; Stronger in some, less pronounced in others.
Why should you do something about anxiety?
The fear of approaching the opposite sex and taking the first step towards contact can affect you in many situations in life. The worst thing that can happen to you when you fight your fear is rejection - and that's part of life.
Often the path to ultimate success leads through many failures and sometimes even painful lessons that life teaches us.
But if you don't even try to fight this fear, it will inhibit you in many situations and you will exclude wonderful, successful and exciting events from your life.
It can even lead to a negative spiral, so that fear leads to more fear and your comfort zone becomes tighter and tighter. That doesn't have to be the case.
It will definitely be worthwhile for you to deal with the fear of being contacted. A happier and more self-confident life awaits you if you have the courage to approach women and then be successful with it. It doesn't have to work right away.
Learn to deal with rejection more calmly. You will quickly notice a new looseness in your life that will not go unnoticed by the opposite sex. If you don't really know how best to go about it, a flirting course or coaching in this area will probably help you.
Helpful tips to overcome fear of speaking
The three second rule
You see a woman who has piqued your interest. Then walk up to her immediately and speak to her directly (even if it's just a “hello” in passing). If you hesitate, you start thinking and then the fear is usually already there.
The three seconds are for guidance only. The longer you wait, the more doubts and excuses you will have about not taking the step. So cheat this protective mechanism and take action immediately.
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Try changing your mindset
We are used to only speaking to strangers if we have a reason (e.g. asking for directions).
Assume that women enjoy being approached by you. And you have a reason – you want to get to know this woman.
Even in everyday life, just talk to strangers and say “Hello”. Try it out, for example when shopping, with work colleagues, in a club, on the street, in the park. You have nothing to lose.
They are not pushy, just nice and approach people openly. In the vast majority of cases you will receive very positive feedback.
Establish eye contact
If the three-second rule doesn't work, then try non-verbal communication. Establishing eye contact with a woman is a wonderful way to spark interest in her without having to say anything. Nothing can happen to you unless the woman looks away. And you can live with that.
You are more reserved when you meet a woman you are interested in.
Your fear of approaching women prevents you from starting conversations with women. You are not alone with this problem. And that's why there are coaching and flirting courses to learn how to deal with this problem.
Your fear of approaching may never completely go away. She doesn't have to. Because heart palpitations and sometimes sweaty hands are part of flirting. But fear can go from a paralyzing feeling to a joyful excitement that heightens your senses and propels you forward.
You can also find further insights, opinions, discussions and tips on the subject of fear of approach in a post in a large German psychology forum: Psychologyforum.de – fear of approach
