Are you currently in a situation that you previously only knew about from other people around you?
Suddenly you are the one whose relationship has fallen apart and you ask yourself a lot of questions - what actually happened, is it what I wanted, was it right or wrong that the relationship ended - and you realize: I want my ex back .
The end of a partnership
No matter how a relationship breaks up, it always hurts. Most of the time one side is deeply hurt - but it is often a painful experience for both sides if they have grown apart or no longer have much to say to each other.
The end of a relationship can, but does not have to be, final. Many partnerships have become stronger and more honest through a second attempt. Work and strength from both partners can rekindle love and strengthen the relationship so that everyday problems can no longer harm the connection. The no contact rule is an elementary building block on the way to a second chance. It is therefore worth dealing with it in detail.
How many people are affected by this topic can also be seen in one or two articles on the topic of “ex back”.
Repressing it doesn't help
Before you really decide that you win your ex-partner back , you should be very sure of a few things. This means that you have dealt with several topics . The following points are just advice, but they will certainly help you make a decision.
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Can I be alone?
After a relationship, especially if it was long-term, many people can no longer be alone. You have forgotten how to spend time with yourself and use it wisely.
They cannot fill the void created by the missing partner.
Many people first have to learn to find meaning in life again in order to be happy with themselves. Partnerships often arise or are maintained because “being alone” is difficult and you have to come to terms with yourself.
But a relationship thrives on the fact that everyone is an independent person and is at peace with themselves.
This is the only way an equal partnership can exist. Before you start fighting for your ex-partner, take a look at yourself.
You should be sure that you miss the person in all their facets and not just the time that you want to spend with someone else.
What bothered me about my relationship/my ex-partner?
When a relationship ends, one of the reasons is often that values, principles and attitudes don't match. These constant points of friction can lead to ongoing conflicts in a relationship.
In a relationship, it is therefore very important to accept your partner's attitudes and values. This doesn't mean that you have to agree with everything the other person represents - but that everyone should live according to their own principles.
If there was no basis for these basic points during the partnership, you should really think carefully about whether you really want your ex-partner back .
Can I manage not to want to change my ex-partner?
A very sensitive topic, especially for us women. We have a certain idea of the dream man . If he doesn't fulfill these, we often think that we can shape the partner according to our wishes.
If you want the person you were already in a relationship with to be your partner again, you have to accept them as they are. You already know its good and bad sides. Only if you are sure that you accept this is it worth considering a new beginning.
What happens if it doesn't work?
Do you want to take the risk and give the relationship a second chance? Then you should take it slow and give each other space. Independence, especially in a relationship (circle of friends, hobbies) is very important.
For many people, one day the moment will come when they are alone again because a relationship has broken down. Developments show that there is less fighting over relationships these days than in the past.
This means that partnerships often have a shorter duration and many people have several long-term partnerships. In between there are always phases of being alone. Since independent living is also important for the development of your personality, you should also use these times for yourself and grow from them.
The no contact rule – a basis for a new beginning
When a relationship ends, hurt and mutual accusations are still very present. If you think the separation was a knee-jerk reaction, then don't make the mistake of contacting your ex-partner straight away and surprising them with your decision.
It is important that both sides can calm down and think about what happened. Blocking contact for a few weeks gives you the opportunity to find out whether you really miss your ex-partner.
During this time when you have no contact with your ex, you should consider the points described above.
This self-imposed alone time can be a kind of new beginning for both partners. Both have to find their own identity again. Give yourself and your ex-partner this time - this could be the beginning of your second chance at love.
Dealing with the past – advantages for the future
Many other women are in a similar situation to you and don't know what step to take next.
the question of whether your ex-relationship is worth fighting for . There is also no one-size-fits-all solution as to whether a “warmed up” relationship can work again.
Statistics and surveys show us percentages to form an opinion. However, every relationship has its own story and cannot be represented in numbers and probabilities.
But the fact is that if you consciously deal with yourself and your relationship that has broken down, this is the right path.
During this time you will get to know each other better and can work through the positive and negative experiences with your ex. You will become more aware of what values are important to you in a relationship and what compromises you can make.
Your next relationship will benefit from this - whether it's a new partner or your ex-partner!
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Thank you very much for these great, insightful and advising words, Tobias!
Thank you for the valuable article. It's sad when two people who actually have real feelings for each other break up too soon. I always notice that many young people prematurely break off a relationship that is still young. In general, trust in a disturbed relationship is very difficult to rebuild. This is usually preceded by serious breaches of trust, and getting rid of them is not that easy. Examples of destructive behavior in relationships include cheating or hiding debts or other serious negative circumstances. The betrayed partner finds these things very painful. Very sensitive areas in the interaction between two people are usually affected. However, there are couples in my environment who want to make a new start despite years of dramatic missteps by one of the two partners. You have the courage to take this step. And that means having a lot of courage to do it. Giving yourself and the other person a second and new chance means starting all over again. But to do that you have to leave the old behind. New trust only arises when the conditions for it are created. After all, the old mistakes shouldn’t be repeated. You don't want to experience the same thing again. That would be a complete defeat for both of them. But it's not that easy to forgive and forget. Many conversations and communicating your own experiences and injuries, understanding the emotions that have arisen, make it possible to process what has happened. A therapist can often help to find the right words and formulations to bring the two closer together again in conversation. Both partners can then slowly begin to trust each other again. Sensitivity to possible new missteps often remains for some time. However, it is important not to constantly show new mistrust towards the other person on every possible occasion. That requires a certain discipline. Because the old emotions are sure to come up again and again, which then lead to accusations etc. New trust in a partnership can only arise when reservations about the other person no longer play a role. This is an important basis for a new harmonious and loving relationship with one another. Once you've done that, there's hardly anything standing in the way of a second chance in a relationship.