Anyone who is currently going through a separation phase and has done a little research on the Internet about methods and tips for winning back their ex-partner will often come across two terms whose effectiveness is positively emphasized everywhere:
- No contact rule / contact ban
- Toggle switch trick
While we have already discussed the method and effectiveness of the no contact rule , we now want to take a closer look at the much-mentioned “toggle switch trick” aka (also known as) “neutralizer trick” or “on/off -Method” .
Photo by elnaz asadi @elnazasadi, via Unsplash
In short, the toggle switch trick is a psychological method and technique that involves addressing memories of beautiful moments shared during the past relationship and specifically referring to them.
The effectiveness is confirmed again and again by many dating and relationship psychologists and countless dating coaches.
Let's start with a definition of the term and briefly clarify the origin of the method.
Where does the term “toggle switch trick” come from and what is the origin of the method?
Admittedly, there is some confusion around this term and it is not that easy to find a consistent definition online. Apparently there are different explanation approaches and application methods.
Many “ex back” coaches and advisors on this topic use this expression. The question keeps coming up in various forums as to what the toggle switch trick is and how to use it. For a short time one had the impression that there was a real hype around this method and that a lot was written about it.
The reason for this seems obvious: ex-back coaches agree on its effectiveness.
It can be assumed that the origin of this active principle lies in psychology and sociology, from which so-called push-and-pull techniques were worked out and further developed by dating coaches.
What is the toggle switch trick?
The toggle switch method is therefore also known as the push and pull method . Which means that you pull your ex a little closer to you (=pull) and then push him away again (=push). “Switch trick” also used as a term here again and again.
To answer the question posed in the subheading, we need to consider two different strategies
Therefore, I would like to introduce you to the two variants of the toggle switch trick separately.
Approach #1 – Push and Pull
The toggle switch method, on/off or push-and-pull method in this variant is a special psychological method that you can use to make your ex-partner emotionally more attached to you again using psychological tricks bond and increase your attractiveness in her/his eyes.
Photo by Isabella and Zsa Fischer @twinsfisch, via Unsplash
Simply put: Like the eponymous toggle switch , you are a little bit on (on or pull), a little bit off (off or push). This means that one moment you are available to your ex-boyfriend and in another moment you distance yourself and push him/her away from you emotionally.
You show a little interest and then back away until you have his/her full attention.
The easiest way to illustrate this approach is to compare fishing Experienced anglers will certainly tell you that the worst thing you can do when you feel like the fish is hooked is immediately drag it to the bank.
With such a hasty reaction, the angler runs the risk of the line breaking and the prey escaping. So the fishermen keep loosening the line a little and then tightening it again: push and pull. Very easy.
What is behind it from a psychological point of view?
Psychologically, the effectiveness of this behavior is based on the fact that we always want what is not available to us. And that’s exactly what you use to your advantage here.
The purpose of this technique is to create insecurity in the ex. The ex-partner should ask himself how you actually feel about him/her, whether you would like to have him/her back or whether you have long since gotten over the separation. In this way you create tension between you, which in turn is an important prerequisite for sexual attraction.
How to use the push and pull method?
For example, you write to him/her and show interest in his/her life (=pull). Then you suddenly stop answering or write that you have to leave now and don't have time to chat anymore (=push).
You can use and repeat this procedure again and again in the phase of getting your ex back - in different forms and variants, but always with the same principle. One moment you indicate that you miss him/her, the next moment you make it clear that you can never imagine a love comeback with your ex.
You can find further suggestions and assistance in the article “The toggle switch truck when winning your ex back” from the love and flirt portal exzurueck24.de.
What mistakes can you make? What could go wrong?
The most common thing to do wrong with the toggle switch method is trying to use it on someone right after a breakup.
This method has important requirements that must be met for it to work and the first of them is proper timing .
Normally, this method of flirting and dating can be used immediately at any time to conquer someone. However, it works differently when it comes to winning back your ex-partner.
After breakups, we usually cannot think clearly and make good decisions. After all, we are still trapped in the pain of separation and suffer from our emotional chaos.
Therefore, we should definitely avoid using this method immediately after the relationship ends, but only after we have successfully lifted no-contact policy .
Further tips and instructions for slowly establishing contact with your ex again after the contact ban and radio silence can be found in the detailed article “The No. 1 for getting your ex back: The toggle switch method” , written by a relationship expert and Your Way author Sofia Müller .
Other very common errors include:
- You are inauthentic
- You're totally overdoing it
Approach #2 – Focus on relationship highlights
The second approach is about awakening beautiful memories for your ex-partner .
The idea behind it is quite simple. At the end of the relationship, your ex primarily associated negative emotions with you. He/she was no longer happy, which is probably why they broke up. These negative feelings are human, understandable and are still there even after the relationship ends.
As long as this is the case, you will not be able to successfully approach him/her again. This variant of the technique is intended to convert the negative emotions into positive ones , i.e. to flip a “toggle switch” on the ex.
And this happens in the following two steps:
1. Choose a particularly nice event from your relationship together.
Even though it often seems a bit like it after a breakup, everything was definitely not bad during your time together. There were certainly many beautiful moments that you experienced together, especially in the beginning. Remember things like the first kiss, the first butterflies in your stomach, the first vacation you spent together.
Photo by Anthony Tran @anthonytran, via Unsplash
Think back specifically to a moment that particularly stands out in your memory. Maybe you also had a favorite place, a favorite song or a favorite restaurant that you enjoyed going to often.
2. Share the memory with your ex
After blocking contact, you have to write to your ex again. If the chat goes well, you have to incorporate the moment identified in step 1 into the conversation at an appropriate point. It's important that you don't start off completely "randomly" with it, but rather incorporate it naturally into the conversation. The important thing is to stay relaxed, natural and authentic.
You can find out what such a successful chat could look like in this small example from exzurueck24.de .
So this variation of the toggle switch trick aims to shift the focus from your ex back to what went well.
