How stress influences our choice of partner – new findings from attractiveness research

study published in 2011 on choosing a partner under the influence of stress produced interesting results in attractiveness research :

Most people choose a partner who looks relatively similar to themselves. Stress seems to reverse this pattern: stressed men prefer partners who look nothing like them.

This is what researchers report in the “Proceedings B” of the British Royal Society . Scientists see the reasons for this in primordial processes. Stress hormones cause the higher cognitive abilities to shut down, so that people judge more instinctively.

Under the influence of stress, there is greater pressure to produce genetically well-equipped offspring,”

one of the researchers suspects.

This works better with a partner who comes from a different gene pool. Similar partners, however, have a different advantage from an evolutionary perspective:

They are perceived as more loyal and trustworthy,”

explains the researcher. People choose them under relaxed conditions.

For the study, 50 heterosexual men judged photos of naked women who either looked like themselves or another test subject. Using a graphics program, the researchers had previously crossed photos of their faces with those of a woman.

Half of the men were put under stress by having to place a hand in ice-cold water for three minutes before the examination. This has been proven to increase heart rate, blood pressure and levels of the stress hormone cortisol.

These men rated women who bore no resemblance to them as significantly more attractive. Men who were not previously stressed found photos of women with similar facial features more attractive. A researcher said that only men were tested in the study, but it can be assumed that women react in the same way.

The researchers' results correspond to those of other studies: In animals, stress reduces the preference for partners who are highly valued under normal circumstances.

Choosing a partner – A complex interplay of biology, psychology and culture

Choosing a partner is fundamentally a multifaceted topic that has concerned people all over the world for centuries. It represents a fundamental aspect of human life and is influenced by a variety of factors, ranging from biological to psychological to social and cultural aspects.

Let's expand our understanding of choosing a partner with additional details and insights that are often overlooked.

Biological basis of partner choice

From a biological perspective, partner choice often follows evolutionary principles. The need for a suitable partner for reproduction is deeply anchored in our genetic makeup.

Scientific studies have shown that certain features such as facial and body symmetry particularly attractive .

publication on Gesundheit.gv.at - Austria's public health portal - hormonal factors also play a role: the smell of a potential partner can provide information about their immune system, with different immune systems being considered more beneficial for healthy offspring.

Psychological influences

Psychologically, the choice of partner is strongly influenced by individual preferences and experiences. People often look for partners who are similar to them in terms of their values, interests and personality traits. These similarities create a feeling of familiarity and security.

, some theories, such as the “complementarity hypothesis” , postulate that opposites can also be very attractive if they compensate for one's own weaknesses and thus create “being complete”

Social and cultural factors

In addition to personal and biological aspects, social and cultural influences play an important role. Social norms and values ​​often determine what is considered attractive and desirable within a culture.

For example, the social status of a potential partner may be more important in certain societies than in others. Family structures, religion and social environment also have a significant influence.

Arranged marriages are common in some cultures, in which the choice of partner is largely determined family and social considerations

The role of time and technology

Nowadays, increasing digitalization and the use of online dating platforms changed the dynamics of choosing a partner. While traditional encounters were often limited to local social networks, digital platforms enable global reach and a variety of potential partners.

This new way of finding a partner can bring both advantages and challenges, such as a larger selection of partners but also the phenomenon of decision-making difficulty due to overwhelming options.

Emotional and sexual components

Emotional connection and sexual attraction are essential components of choosing a partner. Love and sexual attraction are complex feelings influenced by both biochemical processes in the brain and personal experiences.

Hormones like oxytocin and dopamine play a crucial role in creating bonding and feelings of happiness, while emotional intimacy is strengthened through shared experiences and deep communication.

Unconscious processes and partner choice

A notable aspect of partner choice is the role of unconscious processes. People are often influenced by subconscious memories and experiences from childhood, especially relationships with primary caregivers.

These unconscious patterns may be reflected in the choice of a partner who has parallels to the attachment styles and behaviors of these early relationships.

Stress in men and women: insight into the differences

We have now turned our attention to the different factors influencing the choice of partner. Let’s now look at the second focus of this article: stress .

Stress is a ubiquitous phenomenon in our modern world and affects both men and women equally. Although the physiological mechanisms of stress are universal, there are notable differences in the way men and women respond to and cope with stress.

This is the result of complex interactions of biological, psychological and sociocultural factors. In this section, we take a detailed look at the differences and similarities in how men and women cope with stress and offer insights into possible coping strategies.

Biological differences in the stress response

Stress responses are controlled by a network of hormones and nerve signals known as the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis.

According to research by HelloBetter, be different for men and women:

• Men: Studies have shown that men often release higher levels of cortisol and adrenaline in stressful situations. This can lead to a “fight or flight” response, where they are more inclined to tackle the stressful situation head-on or flee.

• Women: Women also show increased levels of cortisol under stress, but their bodies also respond in part by releasing oxytocin, a hormone that promotes social bonds and the need for closeness. This can lead to a “tend and befriend” response, where women seek support from others and help to manage stress.

Psychological and social differences

The psychological and social dimensions of stress are complex and vary by gender:

• Stressors: Men are often stressed by performance-related factors, such as professional success, financial security and status. Women, on the other hand, are often burdened by social and relationship-oriented factors, such as family responsibilities and interpersonal conflicts.

• Expression of stress: Men tend to verbalize their stress less and rely more on physical activities to manage it. Women, on the other hand, are more open about their problems and use social networks to find support.

• Workplace: In the workplace, men often demonstrate direct and problem-focused stress management. Women, on the other hand, may be more affected by role conflict, especially when balancing work and family responsibilities.

Health effects

Chronic stress can have serious health consequences, and these can vary depending on gender:

• Men: Diseases such as high blood pressure, heart attacks and other cardiovascular problems are more common in stressed men. This may be because men are more likely to compensate for their stress through unhealthy behaviors such as smoking and drinking alcohol.

• Women: Women are more likely to suffer from stress-related mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety disorders. In addition, hormonal stress reactions can increase the risk of autoimmune diseases.

Coping strategies for stress

Developing effective coping strategies is crucial for long-term stress management. Gender-specific approaches can be helpful:

For men:

1. Physical activity: Exercise can help lower cortisol levels and clear your head.
2. Mental techniques: Mindfulness and meditation are valuable tools for finding inner peace.
3. Social Support: Men should be encouraged to talk about their stressors and seek social support.

For women:

1. Social Networks: Building and maintaining strong social networks can act as a buffer against stress.
2. Self-care: Hobbies, relaxation techniques like yoga, and regular breaks are important.
3. Set boundaries: Women should learn to set clear boundaries to avoid overload.

Stress affects men and women differently, and the right coping strategy may vary depending on gender. A better understanding of individual stress responses and the development of tailored coping strategies can help minimize the negative effects of stress and improve quality of life.

Frequently asked questions about choosing a partner

Why are we often attracted to people who are similar to us?

Similarity leads to familiarity and security. It creates a basis for mutual understanding and gives the feeling that you are in harmony with your partner and are pursuing similar life goals.

Can love really happen at first sight?

Yes, love at first sight is possible, although it is usually based on strong physical attraction. It can be the beginning of deeper feelings, but long-term love requires more than the initial attraction.

How does childhood influence our choice of partner?

Our childhood shapes our attachment styles and the way we perceive and shape relationships. Unconscious patterns from early relationships can lead us to choose partners who repeat or correct them.

What role does appearance play in choosing a partner?

Appearance is often the first filter when choosing a mate, as it can provide biologically and evolutionarily relevant information about health and genetic suitability. However, in the long term, other factors such as personality and shared values ​​play a larger role.

How has technology changed the way we choose a partner?

Technology has revolutionized partner selection by significantly expanding access to potential partners. Online dating makes it possible to search according to specific criteria and opens up new ways to initiate contacts, but also brings with it challenges such as difficulty in making decisions and superficial encounters.