Sexting: The best dirty talk tips for men

At the beginning of the Internet around the turn of the millennium, online chats and thus contact initiation via the Internet also appeared. There were chat rooms on every topic imaginable and for every group of people.

In addition to flirting, an important area of ​​application was the exchange of erotic thoughts, fantasies and role plays. Sexting was born .

With the lockdowns and the massive restrictions on our social life as a result of the corona pandemic, in addition to flirting, getting to know each other and dating, sex is also shifting more into the chat than ever before. 

The good old dirty talk , which our fellow human beings over forty might still be familiar with in the traditional telephone version, is enjoying enormous popularity as an alternative source of pleasure in times of crisis via text, photo or video chat - also thanks to it being intuitive and very easy to use Mobile phone apps like Tinder , WhatsApp and Co.

While you used to have to stay in front of the pale, bluish light of the PC monitor, you can now indulge in sexting (a portmanteau word made up of the two terms “sex” and “texting”) from the comfort of your couch or bed.

Many people are currently using cybersex , sex chats or sexting increasingly and often for the first time, as scientists reported in a previously unpublished study by the Kinsey Institute . As we all know, necessity is the mother of invention, and loneliness and social isolation are undoubtedly an emergency, but one that can certainly be remedied thanks to modern media.

Erotic and intimate experiences over the Internet are experiencing new heights and are providing millions of people with beautiful, tingling and exciting moments.

How does sexting work?

Sexting involves sending and receiving sexually explicit messages in the form of texts and images between two people, usually using their smartphone. In principle this means any form of erotic communication via the Internet or cell phone.

It's the digital version of "dirty talk" - those naughty conversations that people over forty or your parents had over their family's analog telephone.

Texting naughty messages via SMS or short message became more popular as technology changed and with it the way we communicate over long distances.

Today, people primarily use short message apps like WhatsApp or dating apps like Tinder to share their erotic thoughts with others.

Smartphones are omnipresent and the average user has Internet access in their pocket, which, with bandwidth and data volume, enables sexual interactions via the mobile Internet that go far beyond short texts via SMS - keyword: emojis, sexy photos / selfies, video and audio messages, moaned voice messages, gifs, so-called “I’d like to do that to you now” chats, etc.

What is dirty talk about?

Sexting can be compared to sex. Some people are good at it, others less so, and when done right it is wonderful, while when done poorly it can be embarrassing or downright emotionally painful.

In this sense, it is particularly important for newcomers to the field to heed a few basic rules and advice or to deepen your knowledge of sexting so that you are well prepared and can not only recognize the faux pas but also skillfully avoid them.

Already had some experiences? Then, have you ever had a moment while sexting where you felt like things weren't going well for you? Was there a time when you had the impression that the person you were talking to had tuned out and wasn't responding to your efforts? You are not alone!  

The good news is that sexting is a skill that can be learned and refined .

This skill is like almost any learned skill. Some people are naturally more talented. Likewise, certain people are more adept at creating erotic tension with words.

There are differences as to whether someone can express themselves eloquently verbally or rather well in writing. After all, speaking and writing are two different things.

Sexting, like speaking, is in itself a skill that requires a certain level of skill. And skill also comes largely from practice.

Wordsmiths – like writers, composers and artists – are some of the best sexters in the world. The art is to use mere words, hints and verbal images to stimulate the other person's imagination and sexual drive, and ideally even to evoke strong sexual desire.  

Sexting is all about language

There's a reason why the erotic novel Fifty Shades of Gray was nearly ripped off bookshelves by curious women almost a decade ago in 2012. Ok, there were also men who followed with interest the descriptions of BDSM practices by the two protagonists written by the British author EL James, but the majority of readers were probably women.

It was basically an erotic novel that covered the sexual inclinations of bondage, dominance and sadomasochism.

Even if the novel is not considered a literary masterpiece, it is an excellent example of how words and descriptions can create an exciting and erotically charged atmosphere and bring secret fantasies to life. Millions of women would underline this statement.

When sexting, men and women are stimulated differently. Women tend to be more excited by a man's clever and elegant use of words, while men prefer visual stimuli: "Send me a nude photo!" (It's simple and straightforward.)

As much as we men like the visual aspect of sexting, many men make the mistake of assuming that women also like seeing pictures of us in Adam's costume or even of our best piece after a few lines of text. This is clearly NOT THE CASE!  

My advice: Don't do it (unless she explicitly and unambiguously asked for it)!

Which rules still need to be observed? What other mistakes should you avoid?

With the following tips and advice you will quickly become better, safer and more imaginative the next time you sext. Take your dirty talk skills to the next level.

Here's how to send naughty, raunchy, and dirty messages and texts like a pro (and yes, I have tried-and-tested examples for you too). 

10 tips and advice for better sexting - do's and don'ts when talking dirty

1. Lay the foundation

If you think that sexting only happens over the phone and that it doesn't really matter because it's not "real," then you probably haven't given it serious consideration yet.

Sexting can be sexy, seductive, and highly erotic... or cruel. It can also be clumsy or intimidating if not done correctly.

Communication is the foundation of every relationship. It connects people together and can transform potential confusion and irritation into clarity and even closeness. Communicating your likes and dislikes, interests and quirks can strengthen and deepen your relationship.

With this in mind, you shouldn't jump at the door and first carefully put out feelers to find out whether your potential sexting partner is open to it and wants to do it.

It's best to talk openly about what you think is sexy, what turns you on and what you would like to try. Ask what words, ideas and concepts your partner likes and let her know your own preferences too. Talk about photos, selfies and what parts of your body get you and her excited the most.

Of course, when it comes to sexting, what your partner doesn't engage in is just as important as what they like, if not more so. Taboos and no-gos must be accepted . In particular, you should also be careful not to pressure her into sexting without her permission and willingness.

An essential prerequisite for any dirty talk is that both partners are in the right mood for it.

If you've been in a relationship for a long time, it's certainly easier to start a conversation about this topic. And you probably know each other's likes and dislikes.  

If you are just getting to know each other or have only had contact via the Internet, then it is a little more difficult to get a good feel for what is appropriate and what is not. The basic rule here is communication and careful approach.

In order to get involved, a minimum level of trust is necessary because you are ultimately exchanging intimate thoughts, images and fantasies. With someone you don't know well, it might be better to exchange text messages first before sending pictures or getting down to business via webcam.

Sending unwanted sexual messages is tantamount to harassment. Ask the other person if he or she wants this before sending such messages. The path to permission can be sexy. Use your imagination and be seductive and playful. Some messages work better through flowers.  

2. How to start sexting? This is how you get started. First steps.

When you send your first message, start slowly and gently. The right time plays a big role. Make sure the timing is right.

If she is busy or stressed, she may not be emotionally present or in the right mood or place to engage with your sexy messages. If the timing isn't right, your partner might actually get annoyed by your messages instead of responding to them.

Much more important than what you write is when you write it.

You certainly don't want to create a seriously embarrassing moment for her, for example when her child is playing with her phone or her colleague or boss is looking over her shoulder. 

First inquire about the current situation with a clever first message to see whether the moment is right.

Innocuous first messages can be, for example:

• "I'm just thinking about you... and how sexy you are."
• “I dreamed about you last night…”
• “Do you want to know what’s on my mind right now?”
• “I'm just thinking about what I'd like to do with you tonight...”
• “I can’t wait to see you tonight. What are you in the mood for?'
• “If I were to spontaneously drop by your place now, what would that be like?”
• “I've missed you all week. “Have you thought of me too?”
• "I've been thinking about you all day..."
• “I just thought of something crazy. Do you want me to tell you?”

“Teasing” is the magic word and means nothing other than using a teasing, humorous and often ambiguous way to generate curiosity and lure the other person out of their reserve.

Go slowly, especially at the beginning, arouse curiosity and stimulate the imagination. Not every message has to be explicit. Ambiguity, subtle messages and mysterious hints are what make a good tease.

The Canadian sex researcher Dr. Jess, host of the podcast @SexWithDrJess Podcast , recommends using a fun way to let your sexting partner know you're in the mood. She goes on to say that bringing a question/answer dynamic into the mix is ​​a proven strategy.

“To begin, I suggest that you ask questions, or send messages that provoke questions, or simply state your desires in more general terms.”

Your partner might answer one of your questions above with:

“Oh yeah…what are you thinking about…?”

Then you notice that she is interested and joins in. You can build on this and move forward.

Build slowly, ask questions, be playful and shy so that you create a crescendo that gets hotter towards the climax.

3. A few more basic rules and advice in advance

Before we get down to business, I would like to pass on a few basic rules, advice and recommendations. These are intended to form a rough framework and provide guidance so that sexting achieves what you hope for from it.

3.1 Remember that she is an individual

The number one tip you should take to heart: Sexting doesn't come as an off-the-shelf blueprint. Every person reacts differently.  

It's easier to create a funny line and copy it as a kind of one-size-fits-all message to multiple people you have in mind (or worse, send it as a group or mass message). 

The more personal the message is to the recipient, the more likely you are to get a response. Use her name and anecdotes or jokes you already share so she knows the message is intended just for her.

3.2 Start with a compliment

If you're not sure what your partner is doing at the time of sending, move forward cautiously. 

You can't go wrong with the messages and questions listed above for initial contact. If the timing is right, you can intensify the conversation, for example with

"I can't stop thinking about that exciting red dress you wore last Thursday..." 

or if the moment is inappropriate:

“Let me know next time you’re free.”

Using words like “beautiful,” “wonderful,” and “gorgeous” is preferable to more crude expressions like “babe,” “hot,” or “horny.” Women hear these things far too often, especially via online chats and dating apps, and are usually quickly annoyed by them. Stand out with class and charm.

3.3 Use verbs instead of adjectives

You want to really get your imagination and your imagination going. Use verbs to do this. These illustrate concrete actions, so they are more powerful than adjectives when describing or depicting scenes.  

You can stick to the simple structure: I/You + (verb) + (noun).

If you're not sure what to say, or instead of just saying you're horny, just think metaphorically about what you'd like to do with your sexting partner and then go overboard in describing it. Go into details. Include all senses such as sight, touch, smell and taste.  

You can also describe why you are doing it, what you are thinking and feeling, and where you are doing it. Scenes in our imagination only become truly vivid and vivid through details.

3.4 Pay attention to correct grammar and your writing style

Men tend not to always pay proper attention to grammar and spelling. This is a big mistake.  

Women pay a lot of attention to beautiful and, above all, correct spelling. Common mistakes, cryptic abbreviations or grammatical errors are a real turn-off. In contrast, women react almost euphorically when they can score points with their linguistic competence.

It doesn't matter how many hands you have free to use your phone or how distracted you may be when composing and sending a message. A little extra effort is definitely worth it! Your partner will most likely return it to you with thanks.

3.5 The Power of Anticipation – Plant the seeds early in the day

If you've already been on a few dates and are planning something special for tonight, don't wait until shortly beforehand to let her know.

Text her early in the morning that you can't wait to see her. Let her know what you want to do to her, starting with foreplay.  

Write short and sharp messages (while she replies in between) and tell her that you would like to see her walk around the room, pay close attention to her body, follow her gentle movements, sit down and put your hand on her thigh. 

Remind her how much you enjoyed kissing her last time and that you can't wait to do it again by sliding your hand further up her leg to feel her warm panties .

How you can't wait to feel her pressed against you, to feel her whole body firsthand. 

Describe how your bestie is throbbing with excited anticipation and how she can feel it on her skin through her clothes...

After hearing such descriptions, your date will be energized and will hardly be able to wait to meet you in the evening because of their desire. During the course of the day, she will mentally rehearse how good it feels when you can finally act out everything together that you wrote about in the morning.

4 Let's get dirty - Now it's getting dirty

Once the beginning has been made and your sexy texting is really getting going, then the time is ripe for dirty talk. Now you can get naughty, explicit, dirty and dirty.

Dirty talk is at the core of sexting . At its core, sexting is like digital dirty talk. It paints a picture of the unfolding sexual fantasy between you and your partner. You can describe in detail how your body reacts to your partner's messages, you can instruct her to do naughty things, and you can make naughty comments about her body.

You can also share your own situation, how strong your desire and longing is for her touches and caresses. 

As a rule of thumb , you can remember: if there is something you would like to say in bed or hear out loud, there is a good chance that it will also work in text form on your smartphone or in an online sex chat .

However, if you're not sure how to proceed and you and your partner don't have much dirty talk experience to draw on, here are examples you can use as inspiration or try:

• “I want you to imagine me between your legs, getting wet from my touch.”
• “The last time you masturbated, what did you dream about? That’s exactly what I want to do with you.”
• “You want me to lick you, right?”
• “Can you imagine my tongue deep inside you? Close your eyes. Imagine me licking you with pleasure and extensively. Now tell me you love feeling my mouth all over your pussy.”
• "It makes the bulge in my pants so hard, sinking my head into your lap and tasting your dripping clit in my mouth."
• “You love taking my cock deep in your mouth, don’t you?”
• “I can't control myself anymore. I need to feel you all over me.”
• “You love feeling me deep inside you, don’t you?” Tell me you want it.”
• “You’re my dirty little whore, aren’t you?”
• “Are you touching yourself right now? Where are your hands right now?”

Of course, these suggestions are only meant to be suggestions. Once you've gotten to know your partner a little, you'll have a feel for what to say (including whether she prefers fucking, making love, sleeping together, fucking, or fucking ).

If you're not sure how comfortable your partner is with certain terms or how to approach them (some women would prefer not to be called a slut or whore, while others get a kick out of it), you can Of course, change and adapt language. Remember section 3.1: every woman is an individual.

5 Get involved in the dynamics and pay attention to pauses

As a man, you may be used to feeling in a position of control in sexual situations. Sexting can seem scary if you're not used to it. The first few lines can be difficult or you may quickly get lost.  

Just be brave! No master has fallen from heaven yet and smaller mistakes are usually half as bad.  

Know that it's okay not to feel 100% safe and in control at every moment.

Sexting, which takes place in the form of a text message conversation, as a message exchange via WhatsApp or Tinder, or as a sex chat on the Internet, can be very dynamic. It doesn't help much to follow a prepared, fixed script.

There can be a back-and-forth dynamic, with each participant taking the lead at different times, allowing the other person to sit back. 

Learn to appreciate the moments when the woman takes the reins and shows you where to go and get involved in what happens next.

also nothing wrong with pauses or silence during the conversation. Breaks can be sexy because they create anticipation or excitement, and research suggests that dopamine levels are higher when you combine the elements of anticipation with unpredictability. This increases excitement and pleasure.

As calm as possible, resist the urge to always answer the same way. If you are interrupted or need to leave, let your partner on the other end of the line know that you will be back. She will await your return with excitement and anticipation.

6 This way, a turn-off doesn't throw you off your game

It may happen that your partner sends you something that turns you off or doesn't arouse much desire in you. Don’t block people directly with statements like “Wow. But I’m not in the mood for that at all.” or similarly insensitive reactions.

Luckily, there's a simple solution: try redirecting the conversation:

“But I would much rather __________”

If you're not sure what to say next, just talk about what you like. Instead of focusing on making fun of your partner, focus on your own wants, needs, and fantasies. Your partner will understand this hint.

6 The correct handling of images

With modern smartphones, you are no longer limited to texts. It is now easy to send pictures, photos or small videos. But there are a few important rules to keep in mind here.  

First of all, you should be sure that there is a relationship of trust between you and your sexting partner and that you can rest assured that your intimate recordings are in good hands. If you have doubts, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Timing also plays a big role with pictures: if the first photo you send is a steamy shot of your entire body or genitals, you're leaving no room for imagination, building tension and anticipation.

Move gradually and expose yourself little by little. Only show excerpts and reveal your masculine splendor little by little. Leave room for interpretation and inspire your partner's imagination.

Sometimes when taking photos you are so focused on your own body that you completely lose sight of your surroundings. Before you send a selfie or a photo of yourself, just to be on the safe side, take a look at what else can be seen in the photo.  

Don't make the classic mistake of focusing on your body without paying attention to the overall composition.

If you take pictures in your bedroom, at least feign good hygiene and order by hiding the chaos in the background. Nobody looks hot in front of a mountain of dirty socks scattered across the room.

Even if you're not staging the shoot in your bedroom, a good rule of thumb is to keep clutter, unsexy elements, and fun-looking things out of the shot. Sometimes it's the little things that ruin the experience for the recipient.

How intimate you become with the photos when you trust someone else with pictures of your naked (or semi-naked) body is entirely up to you. This does not mean that you should throw all inhibitions and caution overboard.

I touched on the topic of trust earlier. As a general rule, it's always better to be safe than sorry, as even our most trustworthy lovers can sometimes turn into our sworn enemies later on.  

This might sound a little melodramatic, but you probably get the point: only send pictures that wouldn't ruin your career (or your life) if published intentionally or not (e.g. smartphones can also be hacked) .

Pro tip : Keep your face or other identifying features (like tattoos) at least partially covered. Then you have a starting point for plausible deniability should the worst ever happen.

7 Rethink The Dick Pic (Close Up Of The Best Bit)

Don't send her a dick pic without asking. An exception may be if you have followed the above steps so well, the sexting has become hot and intense, and you are 100 percent (!) sure that she is in a private place while you have dirty thoughts exchange her.  

Seeing an erect penis can be very arousing... if she's in the right mood for it. 

If you receive a photo like this on your phone in the middle of an important office meeting, sex will be the last thing on your mind.

Unsure? Then don't send it unless you're specifically asked to do so.

8 After the climax...

If you're new to sexting, it can be nerve-wracking not knowing how to bring things to a nice conclusion. 

Whether one (or both of you) has climaxed or not, you may be wondering how to easily transition from sexually-packed texts to the tame lines you typically exchange.

If sexting comes to an abrupt end because you're interrupted and need to focus on something else, don't just leave her out in the cold. 

Instead, tell her:

"Oh baby, I'm so hot for you right now, but I have to go... I can't wait to see you in the flesh and pamper your body with so much devotion..."

If the outcome is successful, you can simply end it with a short compliment or a nice closing sentence:

• "That was a lot of fun!"
• "That was really nice."
• “Let’s do this again soon.”

Whatever you decide to do, don't just leave your sexting partner hanging (by simply falling asleep or hanging up after climax), as she won't be able to tell from a distance whether you've completely forgotten about her in the heat of passion or not hung up bored.

Hopefully this guide will help you have some really great sexting experiences and become a master at dirty talk. Enjoy yourself!

Our contribution to the topic: The 12 best sex chat, live sex and dirty talk portals